Looking Back at NCJ

Behind was you but now you are here in face

I can't erase you from my life

You have come back twice

Even after what happened the last time

I will not allow you to hurt me unintentionally or intentionally

I told you the last time how I felt about you

You have to leave me alone for my own sake

I am so fragile that I break myself

To you I am just another girl on your list

I have no meaning to you at all

I figured out why we stopped talking

It is because you consistently lie

Or maybe I just don’t believe you

But the chuckle in the background is not comforting

Am I the front, the back, or someone you seem to remember out of convince

Or ever so clearly that you can’t forget me

I wish you could be as clear as I am

I know what I want and I will have it

You are my favorite nothing with or without you

At first site

Bodies communicating

Without words

Touching and feeling

Without words

Heighten senses reaching peaks

Without words

Caressing the heart

Without words

Passions palpable

Without words

So deeply intertwined

Without words

Can't breath

Without words

Weakening knees

Without words

Strengthening urges

Without words

Removed from this world

Without words

Love or Lust at first site

Which is it? Have you ever felt this way?

Random Rants, Raves, and Thoughts

Loves to laugh at cruel humor and dirty jokes

Loves to watch football

Can become submerged within my own life

Loves to try new things

Sees life only as it comes

Thinks marriage could be the end of the life I lead

Has never been in love

Lust for more constantly
Fulfills the desires of my heart and mind
Hates being used
Loves to be desired

Fight with my mother regularly

Cares for the world

Only person that I love and loves me back is my father

Cannot believe I have friends

My lil sisters keeps me afloat

Threaten to leave this earth
Slowed most of my destructive (drugs, alcohol, sex) behaviors

Ready to fall for someone but not ready to give up myself

Cares deeply for that one guy but we don't have the time for each other

Simple things please me
Dinner and a movie easy no stress
Lying down and reading
Holding hands while walking
Kissing only no sex

Moves upon impulses

Want to live in the haze I use to have

Spoiled but I am no brat

Affections from another is something I crave

Watch others around me

Not shy just observant

Being held is important

Crying is only allowed in private

Don't like to yell

My life falls apart without me

Controls only myself but barely

My mother tell me anything until the last minute

Wish I could tells others what to do

Wish my mother could get her shit together because when it falls apart it falls on me to hold up

Realizing I am the only adult in this house

I do stupid things to feel

I wish I knew how he felt but I dare not ask

Wish that I could do what I want

He doesn't know it but he makes me happy

I hate that Katy Perry song what about kissing a boy

I hate when people talk about my weight saying, "you should be thick" or "you need to eat" or "do you eat" or "you have a white girl body"
I just want to tell them that this is not a choice it is what it is
If you don't like it stop staring

I am cute but not sexy

A little bit of lazy never hurt anyone

Embracing life

My life in the future is the only thing that is worth living for

Even though my mother is fucking me up

Crazy people talk about me because they have ran out of material

I am weird and confusing

You cannot explain me