Friday, June 13, 2014

Begininng and The End

 I wrote this back in 2011 when I decided to cut ties with the boy I gave all my stuff, even though he never asked for that burden to bare.... for that I apologize. We were on-again-off-again for several years and to be honest I think the time thing is what hurt me the most (diminishing returns). This relationship was deeper than the first time I fell in love, although I may have been the only one in love (oh well). Actually it is now what I consider my first love (with all it's imperfections and unhealthy behaviors too). I figured I'd post this because reading back at this "draft" (it was complete) showed me how much I grew in 3 year.... and how much we all grow. 
Something simple, will you come with me to Copeland's on cobb? and is the number still 555-555-5555 (figured it wasn't ok for me to call or txt after my last bday)

Why? When?

A lot of stuff on my mind, just trying to make things better between us or at. least not so awkward; and whenever you are free.

There is nothing between us, there's nothing to fix. I just feel like this is going to dig up something that took a long time for me let go of. We've hashed this out over and over and over there's nothing for me to say that I haven't already said. I'm sorry if that's what you want to hear. Just don't know why this even matters now after what 2 or 3 years. I'm only doing this for you. Let me when and I'll see what I can do, you should still remember when I'm free
I should have only done this for me. Guilt is a horrible thing when it comes to these types of situations. I never want to be put in a position where I find myself doing things out of guilt.

I'm not sure how to explain it, but I still want you in my life. Hurting you has never been and never is my expectation. The way I went about the way I felt for you then and my avoidance of a relationship with you was wrong and dumb. So yea I do still have feelings for you, I don't why I just do, but look I'll be honest it probably will bring up things you let go of. So if you can't trust me I understand. And you'd think I know by now, but I have to ask bluntly. Not wanting it to feel like you took a step backwards, so if you want it to be like Alst just let it go, tell me. What I want is selfish, not trying to jump back just make appropriate steps forward, and letting you go is apparently harder than I thought. 

As you already know this didn't workout at all how I thought or maybe it did. I think I always knew I meant nothing to you or less than what I imagined.
Yea I said it.
In reality like in actual life you just ran game
First and last dude to ever made my cry over and over and over and over again

Maybe it's the Gemini in you that makes you such and unstable person
Nah you are your own person that astrology crap is BS
Maybe maybe you are scared
Like deathly afraid of what could happen whether it be positive or negative
Or maybe you just don't see what I saw

I hope you got what you wanted
The taste of me
The curiosity of being with me in limbo again
The satisfaction of knowing for sure you could do it again you know like a game of sorts
Maybe the reality of what I wanted collided with what you wanted 

I think this is what you do you pull women in running game and shit but you always forget to that life is a revolving door and it will come back and haunt you like the ghost of women past
Maybe men this young do not think far enough ahead not to hurt you but only think of themselves and their own pain

They call you G (Giant) because you run game

Karma can server you better than I can
Yes she can but I will not be their to see it. I will be enjoying my life and hoping you do the same. I pray nothing but the best happens for you, to you and around you.

"Feeling no remorse, feeling like my hands were forced"
Never thought I'd be singing Jay-Z
You eventually buy his album too and "Part II" makes you believe in love again like Beyonce's album that you also purchased

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