Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Is it just me ..... Oh yeah Happy New Year

Why if I let you have it you can't just take it and go?
Let me call you for the next time

You don't run the show

It can't be that good
Well maybe hell yeah it's good

I asked other females
They look at me funny (side eye)

My sis said I give guys the Lynn Spin (Girlfriends ref.)

I do nothing special

I have been told but Really?

If we sex first you don't want a relationship
Silly Boys Trick Are For Girls

Sex can be emotionless for me
So I usually do without unless I have a man

Low body count
I tend to go back to what I know instead of trying new

I can wrap my mind around why a man would want be with me if we just sex

This is a recent occurrence I found in men
Just two

These are grown men I dare not deal with boys I would have a damn following if I did that.

What do you think?

Is this just me or does this happen to all girls?

Oh yeah Happy New Year.

Have a great time if you drink don't drive till tomorrow.

I don't get into these winter holidays too cold to be celebrating

If you party tonight get a driver or a cab or take the train


Saturday, December 20, 2008

Lover Reincarnated

Have ever met someone that made you feel like you have been together before?
Like the feelings so strong that it makes you wonder "what happened the last time"
Or if there was a last time.

I have read up on most major religions (fascinates me) and a few of the central Asian religions have the theme of reincarnation (awesome but strange phenomenon). If this is taken as true that mean you will on reach nirvana (peace, wholeness, heaven whatever you call it) when you have done right by the few and the many. But what about love where does love fall into this big umbrella of reincarnation. I don't like to read other peoples views on the religions in questions I like to stick to the whole book or scroll that they derived from (fact based person). So I went to the store and bought a few books on love and reincarnation. What I read from those books is that in some past life you can fall deep in love and it could in tragically or it ends because of something simple. Each life you go through you may or may not meet this person but when you do it will be like meeting a long lost love but you will not remember what had occurred before. Strange right this is where the thought of soul mate comes from.

Personal Experience:
I have been running into the same guy now for a year at the club. When we first met it like damn I like him (we'll call him green eyes) although he never said a word to me. My girls and me got to the dance floor and I see him across the room with his boys. Green eyes just could not take his eye off me and it was like a magnet was pulling us together. Eventually he told his boys that he was going to go dance and they followed. It seemed as though he knew everyone but we could not stop watching each other. We finally met up on the floor again this time he spoke. Voice so familiar i was searching in my mind to see it where I heard it before. We talked for about 5mins (the usual hi how are you blah blah blah). Green eyes asked me to dance so I proceed to dance. We dance the whole night and it didn't bother me and it usually does. He bought me a drink and we talked at the bar for a few minutes but it seemed like hours. We exchanged number and other info. I was on my way out we he said "I know this may sound strange but I think we have met". I am think oh boy I sexed that and I forgot. I shake my head no and told him to call.

In the beginning all Green Eyes wanted to do was see me again at the club but I don't go very often so the likelihood of that is low. For about 2 or 3 months I hear nothing from him. I am thinking all that game he was spitin at me that night wow he had me open. My girls and I decided to go to the club for my friend Court's birthday. I am dancing minding my own business celebrating when he touches my hand with the intent to get my attention. I look over and there he is. I am thinking get ready for the gaming to begin. he says hi and we dance. Once again I am incapsulated by him dancing and talking. We discused why he has not called me in a couple of months. He tells that he didn't think I want to see him.

It's been a year now and th connection is stronger than ever I feel like I know him. Like I know the answer to the questions I ask him. His views on family and friends are in sync with mine. We have yet to discover what else is out there for us but we are trying to hangout and do normal things outside the club. I am trying see where it is going because I want to know what it is about him the is so hypnotizing.

Have you ever met a guy that made you feel like you have met before?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Boys and Men

Men, Boys, Men, Boys
Big difference here

Why don't some men iron their clothes?
Is it hard to them.

Why do men have ugly feet more often than women?
Is there something in the water, DNA, past lives?
Some are not ruff but they just are not appealing.
Weird huh?

College guys and High school guys are the same
But I knew that at 16

I have never dated a guy that went to my school
What is it like?
Don't you need space?

Making me happy is important to my man

If only I had a man yet I do have boys I like though

Guys know who is boss
ME duh
But we can take turns in the bedroom

Guys with full lips are delicious
They can kiss me
Hope they know how

Guys keep your spit in your mouth
Not on my face
I can teach them how to kiss
Yet they might get addicted

Love a man who looks put together
Nice clothes, shoes, teeth
oh yeah BUTT

Why am I waiting on him to come around?
Oh yeah he seems worth it
Damn it he is cute and fine

Why do guys like to slap your butt in public?
If you slap mine I can slap yours

The older I get the more I look for in a Man
@ 14 It was about money and gifts
@ 16 it was about money and gifts and good sex
@ 19 it's about lust and love (my internal battle)

Love and Lust their has to be a balance to this

Boys, Men, Boy, Man, Boys, Men

Monday, November 24, 2008

Crazy Thing Called ...

Sliding down the wall

Feeling my tears fall

Unable to stand up

I'm just ready to give up

I yearn for what's real

Jumping at every chance to feel

No need for drugs

I just want to get bit by that bug

The ever elusive feeling I have resisted

I have tasted a dip

Lust now for a big sip

But it was pulled right from underneath me

Now I am feeling my knees weakening

Wishing to stop these feelings

Pause to breath

Now I can see clearly

Sunday, November 16, 2008

It Was A Dream Possibly

At 19 you're not suppose to find something real

You were the first to make me feel

My heart I was willing to give to you

I was definitely in fear of you

Maybe we met to soon

Now I feel like a buffoon

Standing alone waiting for you

It's funny cause you are true

You like me for me

In return I like you for you

We have this passion that's not contains

But more than lust remains

At 19 we have our lives apart

Hope to one day to have a restart

Maybe I imagined it all for the start

Friday, November 14, 2008

Possible Death of My Last Real Thing

When we kiss it's like magic

I know we ended and it's tragic

When I let my mind wonder

I can see us under the stars

That famous night where we kiss

Also the exact moment I miss

Holding hands

Yet making no plans

We felt the chemistry

Back in High School

Now we have no time

I now ring to a different chime

I like things that most girls don't

Like football, strip clubs, and porn

I guess that's too much for you to handle

Maybe I am too much of a gamble

We are done for now

But maybe it's for good

I'd have hope in a jar if I could

Saturday, November 8, 2008

What's next???

Every man's dream

Is very delicate flower

He dreams about her

Every single hour

She can be anything

But he only wants one

She has never been so wrapped up

Her game is usually on point

She is falling for him

Like the time before

Blind to what everyone else does

Her friends ask "why you going back"

She can't help it he sucks her in

She can smell the game

Spilling through the phone

But she is left speechless by his flattery

The flattery is charming

But never seems to last

She believes they may be meant to be

All her girls are there

Making sure she doesn't break

She is very curious what this may be

Loves the lust too much to resist

Wants more of him

He rejects her

But those feeling remain the same

She realizes he could be different

Maybe he moving on

He has a yo-yo girl he can always bring back

Yo-yo girl is her is you is ...


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Refuse To Wait Forever

The lies and the mistakes of others

I trust whole heartily

Why are they the ones whom betray me

Why can I not move pass it

Have I not fully forgiven them

Is it that I have learned a lesson that I cannot forget

How do I go about forgiving them

Keeping my eyes open for the same test again

Maybe I have not learned my lesson

It seem like complete insanity

I do the same crap over and over and over again.

Everything in my life is new

Except for this same situation I have put my self back into

I wonder what it is for me to learn from this

I thought I found the answer but here it is again

I know my friends want me to let it go but

I just can't is my addiction

This was my addiction

I am done

Dusting my hands and knees off

Walking away in killer heels

Friday, October 31, 2008

Looking Back at NCJ

Behind was you but now you are here in face

I can't erase you from my life

You have come back twice

Even after what happened the last time

I will not allow you to hurt me unintentionally or intentionally

I told you the last time how I felt about you

You have to leave me alone for my own sake

I am so fragile that I break myself

To you I am just another girl on your list

I have no meaning to you at all

I figured out why we stopped talking

It is because you consistently lie

Or maybe I just don’t believe you

But the chuckle in the background is not comforting

Am I the front, the back, or someone you seem to remember out of convince

Or ever so clearly that you can’t forget me

I wish you could be as clear as I am

I know what I want and I will have it

You are my favorite nothing with or without you

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

At first site

Bodies communicating

Without words

Touching and feeling

Without words

Heighten senses reaching peaks

Without words

Caressing the heart

Without words

Passions palpable

Without words

So deeply intertwined

Without words

Can't breath

Without words

Weakening knees

Without words

Strengthening urges

Without words

Removed from this world

Without words

Love or Lust at first site

Which is it? Have you ever felt this way?

Friday, October 24, 2008

Random Rants, Raves, and Thoughts

Loves to laugh at cruel humor and dirty jokes

Loves to watch football

Can become submerged within my own life

Loves to try new things

Sees life only as it comes

Thinks marriage could be the end of the life I lead

Has never been in love

Lust for more constantly
Fulfills the desires of my heart and mind
Hates being used
Loves to be desired

Fight with my mother regularly

Cares for the world

Only person that I love and loves me back is my father

Cannot believe I have friends

My lil sisters keeps me afloat

Threaten to leave this earth
Slowed most of my destructive (drugs, alcohol, sex) behaviors

Ready to fall for someone but not ready to give up myself

Cares deeply for that one guy but we don't have the time for each other

Simple things please me
Dinner and a movie easy no stress
Lying down and reading
Holding hands while walking
Kissing only no sex

Moves upon impulses

Want to live in the haze I use to have

Spoiled but I am no brat

Affections from another is something I crave

Watch others around me

Not shy just observant

Being held is important

Crying is only allowed in private

Don't like to yell

My life falls apart without me

Controls only myself but barely

My mother tell me anything until the last minute

Wish I could tells others what to do

Wish my mother could get her shit together because when it falls apart it falls on me to hold up

Realizing I am the only adult in this house

I do stupid things to feel

I wish I knew how he felt but I dare not ask

Wish that I could do what I want

He doesn't know it but he makes me happy

I hate that Katy Perry song what about kissing a boy

I hate when people talk about my weight saying, "you should be thick" or "you need to eat" or "do you eat" or "you have a white girl body"
I just want to tell them that this is not a choice it is what it is
If you don't like it stop staring

I am cute but not sexy

A little bit of lazy never hurt anyone

Embracing life

My life in the future is the only thing that is worth living for

Even though my mother is fucking me up

Crazy people talk about me because they have ran out of material

I am weird and confusing

You cannot explain me