That Thing You On

You're so wrapped up in this addiction that is another person.

What happens when they leave you because they see who you really are. The girl who compromises everything about herself just to be with someone. 

What happens when the show is over and you can't  perform this dramatic interpretation of yourself? How are you gonna feel about you? Are you gonna notice that you faked it again. 

I thought you weren't that girl that's what you said but it's certainly not what you're doing. You are the epitome of a contradiction here. Yea I know we all are but this isn't just sacrificing this is committing suicide to your true self or maybe this is your true self. The woman who has not backbone,  no goal, all bark no bite, no action just talk.

Is the girl you say you are not attractive? I'm okay with not anyone's fantasy if I get to be at peace with me at night. 

You are everything I despise about women. I see it repeated over and over. You cave until your broken into 1billion piece all the while he's only giving an inch. 

If this is what it takes to be with someone...

Now I don't care...

You're on you're own

Emily King writes the story of my life

"I still wish things were good just like they used to be;
two friends who fell in love trapped in the mystery;
we had so much in common and we laughed at everything;
that was long ago before you went and changed;
before we lost control before we started to fight;
before you raised your voice before I left that night;
and now I'm left here crying out head up to the sky;
trying to get back to the point when we were right;
you keep pulling me DOWN" - Emily King.

Thank you for writing the story of my love life way back when. I discovered Emily years ago so I figured I should finally share her with others. She's a beautiful for woman with a beautiful collection of songs. Please run and check her out

Thinking While Sick

Well I love my life right now
I mean deeply head over heels about life and work
Oh yeah and none other than baby Jesus (you choose your own Jesus)

My bro and sis-in-law are about to have twins
Yep two people barely making it in this world are about to have to more babies
Dumb, dumb, dumb (my opinion)

Love life
_______________(flatlined)
I'm not too much worried about it anymore
I think I am trying to get comfortable with me and who I am etc.

My work is awesome
Haute MEN all around
I think they may be married but that ain't gonna stop me from looking
Everyone is cool there too
More Money for the man upstairs and for me
*Hell Yeah*

Friends I guess they are doing fine from what they tell me

My lil sister crazy as ever
Her storyline has been a roller coaster ride
She got on it willingly and signed a wavier with big ass print
But I can't shade her on looking for love but she gotta get out them dang dark corners
*The Freaks Come Out At Night*

My car is in the shop someone who I live with can't drive and hit my parked car
Did I mention she said absolute nothing for a least 6 hours from wince it happen WOWzers
Boy If it had been me ...
Anywho they still can't fix it right so I have a rental car till then

Halloween was a blast
Look up Q100 Big Wicked and you'll see photos from the party it was awesome

Holidays are coming up
So I decided I wanted to go to my cousins house instead of diving the TN (For the win)
I hope it's chill and super lush because I'll be festive on the inside

HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH NOTHING
I don't people who look down on me for not completing school. It's not like they were gonna pay for it, help me support myself while going, or even honest. So to all those people shut your mouth because I'll be great with and without a degree believe or not

P.S. So yeah the ex from last post. As you may have already guessed he reach out. UGH
Is it really that difficult to just keep going through life without a flame brusting up from the ground ever couple of years? If not can people really be honest with themselves and with the other person as to why they care so freak much even after you literally moved on?

RANT
If you move/moved on stop reaching back here in the past for something. Make clear what do you want from me. You genuinely could not care less if I burst into flames right now, exited stage left, and was beemed up to baby Jesus all in one fell swoop. Asking me stupid questions like how am I, what have you been up or even how's life don't seem like common courtesy but what it does seem like is fishing....I HATE FISHING LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. It's boring with no certainty and if I want uncertainty I'll keep living because there is enough of it out here that I don't need more. I'd rather been treated like a regular person...no no no...a stranger and received a hello and left it at that. No punctuality, no courtesy, no fishing just a simple hello and if you don't wanna do that you don't have to, Seriously.
You gave her what I wanted all those years for ((yep a bitch is jealous not envious/hating just jealous)). Yep I am only mad at me for wasting much time, making up excuses for you (which weren't necessary), and leaving myself wide freaking open (dumb as hell). You help me put on my big girl pants, so Thank You.

Ok I'm done

So It's No Swear November for me

Good Advice ... Think twice

My Life has been turned up side down
So I figure it's time for a change



This book has changed and is changing my life
.... Along with God duh

I been going through alot but here's what my goals are:
1. Get a real Job (3-6months)
2. Get my own car
3. Get my own place to stay

I'm only writing this to hold me to my word

ANYWAYZ

Boys are fun as usual
I need a new rotation though *ugh*

Friends have been ok
Three of them have been especially supportive
What can I say I have great friends
...At least three

Is it strange for a friend to ask you to be their bridesmaid when they never told you about their engagement or the man they are marrying?
Don't matter because I do
If I say no it's like setting me up for the okie doke
*No one put baby in a corner* LOL

I know everyone is looking to me for some much needed fun when I get home
You'll be sadly disappointed
*Wonk wonk*
I gotta stay focused
Let's get it *Jezzy Voice*


My bestie D she's my inspiration
Hustle for me Hustle

Giving up on Dating

I was having a conversation with a guy friend of mine one facebook. He and I discuss all the random ish that happens in my head. This day we were discussing why in my 20s I feel like I want to give up on dating PERIOD!! and why men can't have a real conversation with a woman. So here is the conversation:

Princess

Today at 11:21am

Not sure but I am sure something is wrong with me. I think I may become just another one of those people who can't bond properly with others.

MD

Today at 11:40am

NO I DONT THINK SO....LOOK AT US....YOUR A VERY NICE PERSON TO TALK TO......I TOLD YOU BEFORE I WANTED TO GET TO KNOW YOU A LITTLE BETTER BUT IM NOT GONNA FORCE YOU TO DO ANY THING YOU DONT WANT TO DO......AND IF YOU CAN TALK TO ME AND I KNOW IM DIFFICULT...LOL

Princess

Today at 11:57am

I don't mean like that but a personal relationship with people. I realize that I speak to and we have these conversations but I never have to face you at least not unwillingly. What I mean to say is when I meet people I smile and laugh and completely look like we are having a great time but yet on the inside I am scream at them to shut up because I don't care what they have to say. I also mean to say that when I have had to cut people off from my life the same since of caring or really the lack of there of resurfaces as if were never gone. I also mean that I just don't think that I can form an actual interest into a person without think this person has no idea how dumb they sound while I shake my head in agreement or disagreement with them.

I know this is a lot but if you get confused somewhere let me know.

MD

Today at 12:37pm

SO BASICALLY YOU NEED MORE THAN THE AVERAGE IDIOT OUT THERE.....LOL....YOU NEED SOMEONE YOU CAN RELATE WITH IN EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE.....THING IS YOU ATTRACT THE ONES WHO COMES UP....AYE SHAWTY....RATHER THAN HOW ARE YOU DOING MISS

Princess

Today at 12:59pm

I don't give the type of guy that would even call me shawty (very disrespectful and meaningless word) the time of day, but even when I speak back to a guy calls me miss or beauty or any other words used for flattery I still have that felling that I know that this also is just as shallow. I mean I am only 20 years old and I feel like no one (totally exaggerating) can have a real conversation like my political views, or what I wanna do and why, or how come you think like that. I mean talk to me like a person not like I am dense or I can't think on my own or I have no opinion at my age, or even like I am only interested in things that will land them and me in a bed together. Which leads me to think I don't even wanna be with you like that when you can't even hold a conversation. I find this occurs in people in there teens all the way up to their late 20 early thirties and that still depends on when they think this is a good time for them to grow up in their mind. I am 20 and I just don't think it is natural for me to feel like I am ready to just stop dating period

MD

Today at 1:15pm

wow thats serious.....but then again thats how most people act to me also....but im a person who acts childish myself when i can....now for all the time have we spoken and being honest now....what do you think?

Princess

Today at 1:18pm

You are cool people and have being willing to listen to me rant

MD

Today at 1:20pm

well thats my thing...i love hearing people talk/rant whatever you want to call it.....something to talk about......its like im always the one finding something to talk about no matter who i talk to....i'm not saying we should be talking about the periodic table but atleast have something better to talk about than that new beyonce CD

Princess

Today at 1:23pm

right there are more things that matter in life than just the pop culture BS and over publicized events

Well we went on and on about this for a while but this is basically the meat and bones of the situation. Have you ever felt like "If I never have to go out with another dude I would be ok with that". Is this a part of life and growing up or and I just screwed up in the head like that.

Leaving for More

Touching me like him

Kissing me like him

What's the difference

It's the same hindrance

No real connection

Just wanna use protection

I let them ease up to me

Getting closer to me

Roll the dice

See if you both can score

Not like those whores

Who don't want more

I need a foundation

Before you get this creation

Over the fascination of sex

Going to get me that respect

Possible Death of My Last Real Thing

When we kiss it's like magic

I know we ended and it's tragic

When I let my mind wonder

I can see us under the stars

That famous night where we kiss

Also the exact moment I miss

Holding hands

Yet making no plans

We felt the chemistry

Back in High School

Now we have no time

I now ring to a different chime

I like things that most girls don't

Like football, strip clubs, and porn

I guess that's too much for you to handle

Maybe I am too much of a gamble

We are done for now

But maybe it's for good

I'd have hope in a jar if I could

What's next???

Every man's dream

Is very delicate flower

He dreams about her

Every single hour

She can be anything

But he only wants one

She has never been so wrapped up

Her game is usually on point

She is falling for him

Like the time before

Blind to what everyone else does

Her friends ask "why you going back"

She can't help it he sucks her in

She can smell the game

Spilling through the phone

But she is left speechless by his flattery

The flattery is charming

But never seems to last

She believes they may be meant to be

All her girls are there

Making sure she doesn't break

She is very curious what this may be

Loves the lust too much to resist

Wants more of him

He rejects her

But those feeling remain the same

She realizes he could be different

Maybe he moving on

He has a yo-yo girl he can always bring back

Yo-yo girl is her is you is ...

I