Stressed

Well guys I'm sick... Best time to get sick is right now. 

Here's an update:

A few weeks ago my boss had a car accident. This accident could have ended her life in just a blink of an eye but instead it broke her neck. As you may be able to guess what some of the results of this are. 

1. My work loaded has more than doubled. 

2. I'm responsible for two building which is about 200 people. 

3. Prioritizing is a bitch 

4. Putting out fires is a horrible way to work

Now it's three weeks later...

Boy I know for a fact I've never taken her for granted. I know she does many things and also realize this job can't be done by one person.... Reasons I was hired. If one man had to do it, it would make you crass. 

As much as I like my job and what I do I think I'd like to work for myself. Now this may sound rash but I've been thinking about this for a while now. I am seriously starting to wonder if I still wanna work for someone or for myself. I also understand that it would me that the consumer would be my boss and I'd be okay with that. Mostly because it'd be for my dream. 

And recently I feel like I'm living in a dream deferred state but that's for another day. 

Pure panic

Well it happened again. I just can't explain it it was just one of those things that it just sat there and I freaked out. And I just freaked out I send the corner of my room and cried. I had a panic attack another one this one really big. It's taken me a couple weeks to talk about it but now I think I'm ready. 

If I had to say one thing tipped me over it was the concert. Albeit an enjoyable time it was the last straw. The people exposure plus the in considerate weather, lol, just set me up for what was coming quicker than expected. 

In light of it I figured somethings out which I feel is most important. 

1. I must write. It doesn't have to be a lot or much about anything but it's got to be done. I think way too hard about the things in front and in the back of mind that if I don't get it off it just builds. Like a fire with kindling. 

2. Take a break. Even if that means getting into my car and driving away for a day or a couple hours I gotta do it. I think best alone with no distractions I can control. 

3. Life is worth living. Eventually you'll be happier and more satisfied than this moment. Moments can make a break you but it's the day that can turn it all around. 

4. Be honest with yourself and others. You can't read minds and neither can they. So just say it. Who knows they may teach you something. 

Pieces of Me

Sometimes I wonder if it's pieces that I leave are the ones who matter most or the ones I hold on to. Do those pieces matter to those I've left them with?

I like where my life is going... Honestly it's the happiest I've ever felt in my life. Outside of styling which would... will be a my next move. I am seriously starting to wonder if I would even want to work for some one any more. 

But back to my conundrum... Are the messes I have left behind what matter most or is it the here and now. Because I think an awful lot about the messes. Yes, I got the memo on worrying but it never seems to apply itself to the things I want it to. Are they even messes or are they just the casualty of life's war. 

Life is a war????