Thursday, June 4, 2009

7 Year Itch . . .

I feel like I am having a hard time being where I am physically and mentally. I can't stay focused to save my life. I can't decide to do anything long term. I just feel like I am a free bird and someone (maybe it was me) has locked me in cage and I can't get out.

I am so not use to staying in one place for long time because it starts to drive me nuts. I am starting to hate everything and everybody that comes along with it. It has even got so bad that I just can't hold my tongue anymore when people ask me "What should I do?", but they really mean to say is “Can you approve what I want to do”? I am just ready to escape from the bull shit that surrounds me because it is getting so old. Not it is old, been old, like last month old, UGH so over this

I have a few reasons (like itty bitty) to stay but they are not any of the good kind either. They are all for other people, which I heard is not a good reason to do anything but obviously I am still here so it’s working (sort of).

I have started to fall back into old habits smoking to numb myself to the restlessness I feel on an everyday basis. Cursing people out like the stereotypical black woman, which I am not. Telling people how I feel no matter how it makes them feel as long as it makes me feel better in the long term. I need to move, I need a change of pace ASAP. I may have to resort to some extreme behavior so that I have to be removed.

P.S. This songs applies to my mind but the situation of cheating doesn't apply to me.

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