HAPPY HOLIDAYS *update*

Let's see . . .

School is GREAT
Right Place Right Time

New Boy from the last post
He's still here
We are going very well
Better than I ever thought after 5 months of knowing each other

My girls are doing fine *clears throat*

Ms. Need a Man has several men in her life
Nope not jealous
I believe the you should play the game
BUT not with your own HEART
Guess I'll be there again to watch it crash and burn
This time we'll have a come to Jesus Meeting



Ms. Sis
She's having a Blast in college
Taking advantage of being SINGLE
Hope she's truly happy with all her decisions



PARTY PARTY PARTY
I've missed two parties that I was suppose to attend
Mandy and Court both turned 21 without me *pout*
I'm sure they had a blast though



I have to say I'm pretty happy now
I hate that I'm never happy enough to stop looking
Settling down has that 'S' word I don't like to use
I'd rather have what I want than anything at all
He's what I want for now
I know that for sure
IF at any point this turns into what I had you know me
*Slamming the gas petal* *screeching tires*
I'll be out like a candle on a birthday cake



*NEW YEAR RESOLUTION*
Be real happy not just half way



P.S. He got married. I'm sure the others will to because I pray for them

*Update* Random I'm back

OK I'm back now ready to keep this going.


I been doing some adjustment in my life.
I'm 20 now and have decide that I need to make me happy
If not then who *hmm*
No matter what mess I make on the way it's my mess


Well I have started to cut a few more people out of my life
*snip* *snip*
They aren't clearly dragging me down
But they are messing with my mind
Can't have that


I have one new additions in my life
You know the usual
Boys
Hoes
Clothes
*HUH*



I final got my payment after 2 years
MEMO: DON'T LOAN MONEY TO NO ONE WITHOUT THEM SIGNING SOMETHING



I feel like I'm on the right road
FINALLY



Now I just need to keep my promise

Our Last Time

Portrait of Kristen and Michael

Walking out of the movies with you was like a dream come true. As we walk to the car we talks about the movie. Upon approaching the car we start to talk about us falling asleep together a couple of day ago. We talks about us and what we were going to do. He didn't want to commit to me and I was just tires of playing couple when he wants. He and I enter my car to further the discussion. Once again it makes me emotional and a few tears fall from my face and he wipes them away. He then tells me that he wants see me emotional since usually they are nonexistent.

He strokes my face and we began to kiss intimately. In my mind I have dreamed of this moment for what seems like forever. He eases his hand between my legs feeling the warmth that is being exerts by my lust. He starts by rubbing me slowly through my Vicky’s making my wetness starts to leak through them and on to his hand. I shaking so bad I can't stay still, my leg is twitching and my body is craving for more. He moves my panties out of the way and plunges right into my lust. It quickens my breath as if I am breathless and began feeling my lust throbbing relentlessly in his hand. He keeps plunging his fingers repeatedly like he is reaching for my ecstasy. I regain some consciousness and tell him to stop. My mind and my body are arguing and I realize I can't do this with him. He means too much to just fuck and duck. I know I would become that girl who gets all attaches to a guy that just wants to fuck. It didn't matter to me how long we had know each other but every year flashes before my eyes and makes it real to me that he wants my lust and that is what really comprises him. He pulls out wipes his hand on the napkins I had.

We talk a little after that and a few days after that but when I couldn't get him to return a simple call or texts I realizes he don't want me just it. In June on his birthday I texts him "Happy Birthday this will be the first and last time you will hear that or anything else from me." To which he replies "Thanks". Well as you may imagine I am not over him, but I know he isn’t what I need now. As my one of my besties said “If he really cares for you in the way you think he does he will come back.” I replied to her, “He has come back once not sure if he will come back again.” She just looked at me and said “Well screw him you are great and I promise you will find another better.” UGH I hate female pep talks the are so predictable.

Baby We Just Happened ...

We were once the best of friends
Knowing nothing till the end
Earning it more and more
Looking forward to what's in store
I fell with lustful eyes and an open heart
Hating every second while we are apart
Hearing my minds eye "You're letting your feelings show"
They grow
Deep and long and tender to touch
Wanting to submerge myself in your much
Waiting for the time to come
Peaking at the top
Ready to hop
And
I jumped
Then bumped
And fell from grace
Now I am don't wanna race
I am pushing you away
Out from my way
While the tears fall
The wall
Gets bigger
I get bitter

Mistress, Lover, Best Friend, Woman

Put no one above her

Losing to her yearning time and time

Spending your last dime

Entertaining thoughts of her

Deepening the blur

Hint of it surfacing and bubbling

Over popping

On all who can see

She is holding the key

Waiting on you to show her the way

The pathway to play

Enticed by every word on her lips

As you watch her hip

Sway in that methodical way

Praying that she may stay

Just a little longer than forever

Crazy In Love

This is a Short Film
Co-Wrote by Tina Divina and Director Ev Salomon. Directed by Ev Salomon.
Starring Ashlee Holland and Lamon Archey.
Poem by Tina Divina.
"Say you tried and now you wanna say good bye." *Ugh* I hate feeling like that but in the case of this story it has a little more "Fatal Attraction" factor to this. I guess once you really fall for a person it can make you crazy. One day I will understand how much love takes you over inside and outside if a relationship.

The Mistress

Well this is a poem I wrote about 4 years ago while I was still in high school. At this time I was dating a married man who made me feel like the only chick that mattered to him. During this time he was taking care of me in every way (mentally, physically, emotionally) making sure I was okay before he left to be with his wife. But any way this poem express how I felt when I was with any man who already had a lady whether that be wife, girl friend, or lover. I was the . . .

Man Watching Lover Sleep-Image by © Vincent Besnault/zefa/Corbis

The Mistress

She walks with seduction on mind

Take a look and see that you'll find

A pack of men in her hand

Ready to fulfill all her demands

Bending over backwards for her attention

And I forgot to mention

The lust she uses is addictive

Once hooked you can't use Prescriptive

To hide and cover up the blemish

Lust for her will never diminish

Even though she is through

Her wounds won't stop hurting you

Making you need her in more ways than one

Then realizing life ain't much fun

Without her the extra piece of peace on the side

7 Year Itch . . .

1319 (Jessica)'s

I feel like I am having a hard time being where I am physically and mentally. I can't stay focused to save my life. I can't decide to do anything long term. I just feel like I am a free bird and someone (maybe it was me) has locked me in cage and I can't get out.

I am so not use to staying in one place for long time because it starts to drive me nuts. I am starting to hate everything and everybody that comes along with it. It has even got so bad that I just can't hold my tongue anymore when people ask me "What should I do?", but they really mean to say is “Can you approve what I want to do”? I am just ready to escape from the bull shit that surrounds me because it is getting so old. Not it is old, been old, like last month old, UGH so over this

I have a few reasons (like itty bitty) to stay but they are not any of the good kind either. They are all for other people, which I heard is not a good reason to do anything but obviously I am still here so it’s working (sort of).

I have started to fall back into old habits smoking to numb myself to the restlessness I feel on an everyday basis. Cursing people out like the stereotypical black woman, which I am not. Telling people how I feel no matter how it makes them feel as long as it makes me feel better in the long term. I need to move, I need a change of pace ASAP. I may have to resort to some extreme behavior so that I have to be removed.

P.S. This songs applies to my mind but the situation of cheating doesn't apply to me.

False Love

I fell for your lies

Especially that look in your eyes

You stare at the real me

Well beneath thee

I wanted it so bad

Craving what I've never had

Reaching for something

Constantly pumping

Pumping up myself with mess

Causing myself distress

While looking into your eye

As you tell me lies

The lies that I must believe

Destined to achieve

The false love I need

Lust For Princess and Life

SO sooner than later u have to choose
LOVE OR LUST

I choose lust
Maybe it chooses me

Why are we afraid of love?
Is it the the fact you may have to sacrifice yourself?

Lust is easy
But not easily quenched

"Fuck the world with a long dick" - Lil Wayne
HUH?

So in the beginning of a relationship why do you test me?
I may fail
Then you won't look at me the same
Strange ummm

Lust makes you believe you want it
Until you get it

Life looks so good when you are a child
Until they remove the shield and you get hurt

Love seems unobtainable
But it seems like it is worth the reach
Until it is put into reverse

Love is like that killer heel in the store
But the catch is you can't buy it

I'd rather be in lust than love
More rational
More balanced

I have fallen in love before though
With who?
The G1
The LBD (little black dress)
A Guess Bag

I knew I was in love no question about it
I had this face when I got it

I forgot one thing the SO FAR GONE MIXTAPE

Drake has a lust for life
I have a lust for him in my ...

Oops almost let that out
Lust is for me
Love is in the future but I ain't looking for it

----------------
Now playing: Drake - Ignant Shit (feat. Lil' Wayne)
via FoxyTunes

20 Things I know at 20

Hello peeps

Totally been felling like this

So I decided not to post till I felt like this


I have been on the worse emotional roller coaster ever

I didn't go through it alone though which is nice

This growing up thing is hard

I think back to the days of this


Things I think I know at 20

1. Dudes 20-25 can't make up their mind to save their own lives *exception of a few*
2. I make more money than people with masters
   
3. Being able to escape saves my life
   
4. If he say this is going the way he planned that mean u (the chick) are the problem
5. I may never have that close relationship with my mother and I am good with that
6. Being best friends with dudes is a blast and will forever be
7. I don't wanna get married
8. I like a man with a plan not one who is looking at me for one
9. I am simple and easy to please
10. I don't play hard to get
11. I am hard to get
12. I believe there is no such thing as a soul mate too many single woman for that statistic to work out
13. I will be at everyone's wedding *Miss 27 Suits and Dresses*
14. Waiting on someone is a waste unless after he moves on
15. Sex ain't all that all the time
16. Going to a strip club is way better than going to a lounge or dance club about 80% of the time
17. People in college may never grow up
18. You can't cheat if you were never together
19. Being pigeon footed is not a problem that I can fix
20. WONDER IF I YOU'LL EVER FIND OUT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE

I am pretty sure about these thing at 20 as I can be but their is room for growth so we will see what this next year will bring

P.S. I feel bad for women name Keisha they get brutalized in songs all the time damn. Suck for you

Giving up on Dating

I was having a conversation with a guy friend of mine one facebook. He and I discuss all the random ish that happens in my head. This day we were discussing why in my 20s I feel like I want to give up on dating PERIOD!! and why men can't have a real conversation with a woman. So here is the conversation:

Princess

Today at 11:21am

Not sure but I am sure something is wrong with me. I think I may become just another one of those people who can't bond properly with others.

MD

Today at 11:40am

NO I DONT THINK SO....LOOK AT US....YOUR A VERY NICE PERSON TO TALK TO......I TOLD YOU BEFORE I WANTED TO GET TO KNOW YOU A LITTLE BETTER BUT IM NOT GONNA FORCE YOU TO DO ANY THING YOU DONT WANT TO DO......AND IF YOU CAN TALK TO ME AND I KNOW IM DIFFICULT...LOL

Princess

Today at 11:57am

I don't mean like that but a personal relationship with people. I realize that I speak to and we have these conversations but I never have to face you at least not unwillingly. What I mean to say is when I meet people I smile and laugh and completely look like we are having a great time but yet on the inside I am scream at them to shut up because I don't care what they have to say. I also mean to say that when I have had to cut people off from my life the same since of caring or really the lack of there of resurfaces as if were never gone. I also mean that I just don't think that I can form an actual interest into a person without think this person has no idea how dumb they sound while I shake my head in agreement or disagreement with them.

I know this is a lot but if you get confused somewhere let me know.

MD

Today at 12:37pm

SO BASICALLY YOU NEED MORE THAN THE AVERAGE IDIOT OUT THERE.....LOL....YOU NEED SOMEONE YOU CAN RELATE WITH IN EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE.....THING IS YOU ATTRACT THE ONES WHO COMES UP....AYE SHAWTY....RATHER THAN HOW ARE YOU DOING MISS

Princess

Today at 12:59pm

I don't give the type of guy that would even call me shawty (very disrespectful and meaningless word) the time of day, but even when I speak back to a guy calls me miss or beauty or any other words used for flattery I still have that felling that I know that this also is just as shallow. I mean I am only 20 years old and I feel like no one (totally exaggerating) can have a real conversation like my political views, or what I wanna do and why, or how come you think like that. I mean talk to me like a person not like I am dense or I can't think on my own or I have no opinion at my age, or even like I am only interested in things that will land them and me in a bed together. Which leads me to think I don't even wanna be with you like that when you can't even hold a conversation. I find this occurs in people in there teens all the way up to their late 20 early thirties and that still depends on when they think this is a good time for them to grow up in their mind. I am 20 and I just don't think it is natural for me to feel like I am ready to just stop dating period

MD

Today at 1:15pm

wow thats serious.....but then again thats how most people act to me also....but im a person who acts childish myself when i can....now for all the time have we spoken and being honest now....what do you think?

Princess

Today at 1:18pm

You are cool people and have being willing to listen to me rant

MD

Today at 1:20pm

well thats my thing...i love hearing people talk/rant whatever you want to call it.....something to talk about......its like im always the one finding something to talk about no matter who i talk to....i'm not saying we should be talking about the periodic table but atleast have something better to talk about than that new beyonce CD

Princess

Today at 1:23pm

right there are more things that matter in life than just the pop culture BS and over publicized events

Well we went on and on about this for a while but this is basically the meat and bones of the situation. Have you ever felt like "If I never have to go out with another dude I would be ok with that". Is this a part of life and growing up or and I just screwed up in the head like that.

Love and Crazy and Sexy

Let us start with Chrihana situation

I know I can't be the only one laughing at this
I mean there is no good reason to hit a woman but if a woman get buck like a man you should get handled like one (boxed her up).
She probably got all 'Single Ladies' and 'I Don't Need A Man' on him and he was just fed up.

I think I am going back to dating white men exclusively
Sorry black men but you all gotta start acting right
Could be me though?
Naw

How does a man say he wanna be with you but then act like you don't exist?
*raise hand*
He just want the goodies only.
*Snatches plate* My goodies Nicca

Why does popcorn smell like feet but when it burn it just plan ol' stinks.
Is that what burnt feet smell like?

Did you know Lady Gaga is the ish?
If not you know now

Wanna send a special F-you to a special person.
Thanks for the discount

OMG I think I may be a real biatch compared to you others

JK I am nice to everyone

What is the original purpose of the ability to lie?
I personally hate and shy away from doing it.

If I get told I have a big butt one more time I will scream
because I can't find it.
You are a liar (arrrrrggggg)

SO tired of people saying they think I am cute
"Really Me too"

Is being a bitch a part of being crazy?
Naaa

Cutie pie

I love this man's body. Look delicious.

What is going on in this crazy world?
I need money where is the money at?
In my pocket.

Who can up with the idea of Valentine's Day?
It's a gimmick
Don't you show me you love me every day?
Maybe not
But you should

Why are women so separated and divide?
Reasons why I don't hang with them
Love my boys

Boys are like the sea shore
The are beautiful but shallow.

Naaa I am not crazy
Just like to play fare

This is real love


I love shoes

Leaving for More

Touching me like him

Kissing me like him

What's the difference

It's the same hindrance

No real connection

Just wanna use protection

I let them ease up to me

Getting closer to me

Roll the dice

See if you both can score

Not like those whores

Who don't want more

I need a foundation

Before you get this creation

Over the fascination of sex

Going to get me that respect

SO OVER THEM ALL

My dating life sucks

The one you want is the one you can have

But the one(s) you can have you don't want

Even if you do want them it only a momentary fix

Definitely a rida if I like ya



"Can't believe what you have done to me" - Mya (No Touching)

In most cases/situations I take what I want

I have only been ready to jump twice

Once I actually did it and no body caught me

I ran like the wind after that

And ever since but now I am tired

I hate the saying this quote "The grass looks greener on the other side"

No it is greener I have been over there

I think I am narcissistic but I am ok with that

Maybe not

Men are not all dogs

Some look like other animal Prefect example



When does the cool chick get what she wants

I am soooooooooo young it's scary to think on day I will alone

O hell no

Someone wanna be my roommate PLEASE!

How does a guy say "Ain't nothing wrong with me"

But follow it with "I ain't perfect"

Well don't they cancel out HMMM

Maybe I am too picky

Nope I want what I got or better

A car, two spots, a job, higher education

Definitely not too much

It never really phases me to be without a "MAN"

Because they are never around long

I have one Man in my life

My pops

Definitely not over him

He is where my standards come from

Why Is It . . .

When I want to be different you not ready

That I am ready to give up but you show up
I guess that's cool
We have only been talking on and off for a YEAR
No Biggie

You ask me to do something that I usually give you
Now I don't want to do it

You think I am going somewhere
When you know I am not
Maybe you are going somewhere with someone new

That I hate when people lie
You ain't gotta lie Craig!


I don't need a man but would like to have one

Some men think their is nothing wrong with them
But you are not prefect
No you are not just crazy

I know I am crazy but know one believes me

You hang the phone up in my face
But you wonder why you have four flats
Karma's a Bitch

Black Men don't watch Grey's Anatomy, CSI, or Law and Order

Is that a chick show?
White men watch it

BET has always sucked and now so does MTV

Hip Hop Is not Dead but Pop Culture is

I am not thick but I am forever getting told my butt is big
Oooo you lying

Always wonder what I would look like at 200lbs

I feel like dancing at my job

So COLD in Georgia
2o freaking degrees
I am walking outside look like an Eskimo
It's like 60 in Miami
I am moving forget GA in the winter

I am pidgin toed or is it footed
Hmmm

Men wanna see me but they don't wanna drive
How else you suppose to get here

That college is fun to me
Maybe cause I don't stay there

Aaliyah will live on
Happy Birthday



Men seem to keep me on their roster
But they have never gotten any

Women keep thing from a ex
Let it go it's over

Why is it I love the Claudia Jordan show
These girl are too funny and they are naturally pretty
Check out their Myspace page Claudia Jordan Show



Why is it you love to hate a man?